Post by Amanda Kimmel on Feb 27, 2012 1:02:47 GMT -5
Day 27
“Day 27”, Tyson whispers as he carves his words into a generic tree trunk he has been using as his calendar. He looks down at the carving knife wondering how they are allowed to have any sharp utensils in their camp. “I swear to God it’s a small miracle these people haven’t cut off their own fingers with this thing”, he mumbles to himself as he turns and rejoins his tribe mates by the morning fire.
Tyson grabs his portion of routine morning breakfast made by the resident cook, Rudy. The usual mixture of rice and hand dirt with a smell that Tyson thought must be what an old Asian grandfather would smell like if he hadn’t showered in 27 days. Seeing her having some difficulty with her own meal, he sits beside Kelly C and asks “Good mornin’, Kelly. You want some help with that?”
“Excuse me? Okay like wtf. How many times do I have to tell you guys to call me Sexy Kelly?!”, Kelly C screams as she lashes out with her non amputated arm, knocking her bowl of rice off her lap and into the fire. “Great. Thanks a lot, Tyson. Douche.” she says as she storms off to the beach. As she walks away Tyson wonders to himself if he could still bang her or if the little stump that used to be her left arm would just freak him out.
As Tyson ponders the meanings of life, love and loss of limbs, Lillian plops down beside him. “10 mins. That’s all the sleep I got last night” Lillian moans to Tyson. “I just lie there awake, afraid that if I do actually fall asleep I will just have nightmares of that night.”
“Really?” Tyson asks. “I guess I can’t really blame you. I ‘m pretty sure I would need therapy to deal with what happened to you.”, he concedes. “Why do you think I only talked to him once? Something just wasn’t right with that boy. “ Tyson says as he can’t help but wonder if there was a part of her that liked it.
Day 21
“A pin cushion. A big, black, velvety pin cushion.” Tyson whispers to himself as he stares up into the night sky.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!”, a scream pierces through night air. “There is a snake in the shelter!”
Tyson stares in horror as a blur of scout badges and pasty white legs runs past him while a panting and possibly bleeding Brandon chases after. With less concern and more of a curious amusement, Tyson follows after Brandon and Lillian as they zigzag through the jungle in almost a rehash of the Chet challenge in Micronesia.
Just when he thinks he has lost them, Tyson finds a snarling Brandon on all fours with Lillian pressed up against the tree. “Eeeeeeasy there, Brando”, Tyson calmly says. “It’s alright. I don’t know what happened but it’s over now. It’s time to go back to camp.”
“He started dry humping me in the shelter, Tyson! Then he whispered in my ear he wanted to smell my uterus. This guy is a pervert, they need to get him out of here.” Lillian demands.
“Dude! Really?” Tyson asks with incredulity. “Lillian, dude? Why….oh nvm. I don’t want inside your head. Just tell her you are sorry and let’s forget this whole thing.”
“I am sorry I dry humped you, Lillian. I sometimes do bad things but I am always honest and try to make the right choices, you see. Besides, you walk around in your baggy scout shirt pretending like we don’t know what you have going on under there. ” Brandon says to Lillian. “If you are going to walk around tempting me, you are just playing with fire.”
“What? You can’t just say you are sorry. You are sick and need help for God’s sake.” Lillian says.
“Hey, he did say he is sorry after all.” Tyson says. “What more do you want?”
“Um, gee I don’t know.” Lillian says as she scratches her head. “ How about a freaking restraining order or something.”
Tyson, already tired of Lillian not understanding that sorry absolves one of all sins, leaves the two of them in the jungle in case this was just some form of role-play these two love birds were doing.
As he gets back to camp Tyson sees that Amanda has gathered everyone together except Kelly C. And for some reason Mikayla and Eliza are wearing black hoods, standing behind Amanda. Tyson rejoins his tribe mates and listens attentively as Amanda starts to speak.
“My dear dear castaways. You all know how much I love you all, right? You guys do know that, right?” She rhetorically asks. “So know that what I am about to do hurts me more than it does you….or in this case, our little heretic Kelly C.”
As Amanda says Kelly C’s name, Eliza and Mikayla come out from behind Amanda dragging Kelly C in by her feet. “You have failed to perform in one of our sacred challenges and you know there are consequences for such behavior.” Amanda shouts down to Kelly C as she lies there with her left arm stretched out by Eliza and Mikayla holding her down. “The rules are clear and the punishment is severe. If there is anything you wanted to say to your arm, now would be the best time.”
And with that Amanda brings down her sacrificial machete and as Tyson watches only inches away from the former Sexy Kelly’s arm being severed from her torso he wonders. Just maybe. Juuuuust maybe…
He shoulda leaned forward.
“Day 27”, Tyson whispers as he carves his words into a generic tree trunk he has been using as his calendar. He looks down at the carving knife wondering how they are allowed to have any sharp utensils in their camp. “I swear to God it’s a small miracle these people haven’t cut off their own fingers with this thing”, he mumbles to himself as he turns and rejoins his tribe mates by the morning fire.
Tyson grabs his portion of routine morning breakfast made by the resident cook, Rudy. The usual mixture of rice and hand dirt with a smell that Tyson thought must be what an old Asian grandfather would smell like if he hadn’t showered in 27 days. Seeing her having some difficulty with her own meal, he sits beside Kelly C and asks “Good mornin’, Kelly. You want some help with that?”
“Excuse me? Okay like wtf. How many times do I have to tell you guys to call me Sexy Kelly?!”, Kelly C screams as she lashes out with her non amputated arm, knocking her bowl of rice off her lap and into the fire. “Great. Thanks a lot, Tyson. Douche.” she says as she storms off to the beach. As she walks away Tyson wonders to himself if he could still bang her or if the little stump that used to be her left arm would just freak him out.
As Tyson ponders the meanings of life, love and loss of limbs, Lillian plops down beside him. “10 mins. That’s all the sleep I got last night” Lillian moans to Tyson. “I just lie there awake, afraid that if I do actually fall asleep I will just have nightmares of that night.”
“Really?” Tyson asks. “I guess I can’t really blame you. I ‘m pretty sure I would need therapy to deal with what happened to you.”, he concedes. “Why do you think I only talked to him once? Something just wasn’t right with that boy. “ Tyson says as he can’t help but wonder if there was a part of her that liked it.
Day 21
“A pin cushion. A big, black, velvety pin cushion.” Tyson whispers to himself as he stares up into the night sky.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!”, a scream pierces through night air. “There is a snake in the shelter!”
Tyson stares in horror as a blur of scout badges and pasty white legs runs past him while a panting and possibly bleeding Brandon chases after. With less concern and more of a curious amusement, Tyson follows after Brandon and Lillian as they zigzag through the jungle in almost a rehash of the Chet challenge in Micronesia.
Just when he thinks he has lost them, Tyson finds a snarling Brandon on all fours with Lillian pressed up against the tree. “Eeeeeeasy there, Brando”, Tyson calmly says. “It’s alright. I don’t know what happened but it’s over now. It’s time to go back to camp.”
“He started dry humping me in the shelter, Tyson! Then he whispered in my ear he wanted to smell my uterus. This guy is a pervert, they need to get him out of here.” Lillian demands.
“Dude! Really?” Tyson asks with incredulity. “Lillian, dude? Why….oh nvm. I don’t want inside your head. Just tell her you are sorry and let’s forget this whole thing.”
“I am sorry I dry humped you, Lillian. I sometimes do bad things but I am always honest and try to make the right choices, you see. Besides, you walk around in your baggy scout shirt pretending like we don’t know what you have going on under there. ” Brandon says to Lillian. “If you are going to walk around tempting me, you are just playing with fire.”
“What? You can’t just say you are sorry. You are sick and need help for God’s sake.” Lillian says.
“Hey, he did say he is sorry after all.” Tyson says. “What more do you want?”
“Um, gee I don’t know.” Lillian says as she scratches her head. “ How about a freaking restraining order or something.”
Tyson, already tired of Lillian not understanding that sorry absolves one of all sins, leaves the two of them in the jungle in case this was just some form of role-play these two love birds were doing.
As he gets back to camp Tyson sees that Amanda has gathered everyone together except Kelly C. And for some reason Mikayla and Eliza are wearing black hoods, standing behind Amanda. Tyson rejoins his tribe mates and listens attentively as Amanda starts to speak.
“My dear dear castaways. You all know how much I love you all, right? You guys do know that, right?” She rhetorically asks. “So know that what I am about to do hurts me more than it does you….or in this case, our little heretic Kelly C.”
As Amanda says Kelly C’s name, Eliza and Mikayla come out from behind Amanda dragging Kelly C in by her feet. “You have failed to perform in one of our sacred challenges and you know there are consequences for such behavior.” Amanda shouts down to Kelly C as she lies there with her left arm stretched out by Eliza and Mikayla holding her down. “The rules are clear and the punishment is severe. If there is anything you wanted to say to your arm, now would be the best time.”
And with that Amanda brings down her sacrificial machete and as Tyson watches only inches away from the former Sexy Kelly’s arm being severed from her torso he wonders. Just maybe. Juuuuust maybe…
He shoulda leaned forward.
