Post by Amanda Kimmel on Sept 2, 2011 21:18:03 GMT -5
Alright, so what I was going for was a sort of parody of Crime Scene Investigation shows with a bit of mystery to it. It didn't turn out that well, but I hope you'll like it.
I left a few lame lines in there just because I thought maybe you 5 would enjoy them, but still.....you'll probably just think they're lame right along with me, but maybe not, maybe it'll add to the overall camp and silliness of it all.
I also poked fun at people, both past and present, and hope they don't take offense, like when Erik was seemingly forgotten by everyone in the game for a round. So I hope you're not too offended by that Erik.
Anyway, on with the story.
Deep in the South Pacific on the remote island of Malaysia, the third Season of Amanda Kimmel’s Survivor Series was underway, but unbeknownst to the game’s staff and players, there was a deadly outbreak brewing that threatened to destroy the entire game and its players.
The game was running along smoothly in its first few days and Resident ORG host and Hat Wearing Goddess, Amanda Kimmel, was currently resting out on the Malaysian beach. Amanda was taking a break and relaxing on the sun kissed beach while the tribes battled it out in their first immunity challenge, but unfortunately, she was unaware of the problem that was about to be revealed.
“Amanda! Amanda!” Prediction Writer, Todd, cried as he raced down the beach, “AMANDA!!!”
Amanda slowly sat up and stood in slow motion, whipping her hair out of her face before readjusting her trademark hat to fit perfectly atop her head. “What is it Todd?” she asked as she stood next to the bustling PW.
“We have a situation!” Todd cried, throwing his hands into the air, “Danni’s gone missing! I looked at her confessional, or lack thereof, for any sort of indication as to where she may be, but I think she may have……....the disease. ”
“WHAT!” Amanda cried, suddenly very alarmed, “You mean to tell me she has-”
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” Todd said, “Inactiveidous!”
Amanda turned away from Todd and took a few steps along the beach, “I’ve dealt with quitters before, even the rare but notorious thunderc*nt, but Inactiveidous………….never have I before seen a case of-”
“Chase,” Todd coughed.
“That doesn’t count!” Amanda cried as she whirled around.
“Becky,” Boston Rob chirped as he popped out of the bushes.
“Shut up! Where the hell did you come from anyway?” Amanda asked the other PW.
“Namibia,” Boston Rob replied with a deadpan tone, “What exactly is Inactiveidous again? I mean, I know of inactive players, but don’t you think a “disease” is a bit extreme?”
“No,” Todd interjected, “Inactiveidous is a serious matter! It’s a vicious disease that rampages through ORGs infecting one player after another, going so far as to make them crazed, delusional, and ultimately…. inactive.”
“But who would be so evil?” Boston Rob asked.
Amanda narrowed her eyes at the two prediction writers before continuing to ponder the possibility of an Inactiveidous outbreak “I think I know what to do, meet me at Tribal Council!”
With that Amanda took off in a sprint towards the Tribal Council area, only for both Todd and Boston Rob to pass her by with a mild walk. “Why are you running in slow motion?” Boston Robb asked.
Amanda could only scoff at him as she continued to run, “Don’t you know anything? All great ORG hosts run in slow motion, it makes us look cool, that and the hat,” Amanda said.
“Whatever,” Todd said as he entered Tribal.
“Alright,” Erik said as he placed the voting urn before him, “Once the votes have been read the person with-”
Erik was cut short as Amanda unknowingly shoved Erik to the side and stood before the Cahaya tribe, “Sorry I’m late, there was an issue…….how did the voting urn get here already?” Amanda asked the tribe perplexed.
“It was Erik,” Colleen said.
“Who?” Fabio asked from behind Amanda, “Oh right, the cohost! Sorry Erik,” Fabio said with a cheeky grin.
“Doesn’t matter,” Amanda said, “Moving on. Once the votes are read the decision is final, blah blah blah” Amanda finished, throwing the lid of the urn off into the jungle, quickly reading through the votes, only to be disappointed with the results, “4 votes Danni, 4 votes Sydney….where’s the last vote?”
All eyes turned to the dark ominous figure that slowly entered tribal, all surprised to find a crazed looking Danni slowly inching her way towards the walk of shame.
“Danni! What are you doing all you have to do is vote Sydney and then we can go back to camp!”!” Colleen cried, standing up to try and stop her, only to be held back by Frosti and Rupert, “Let me go!”
“No, you can’t get close to her, you’ll catch the disease too!” Rupert boomed.
Danni let out a menacing cackle as she grew closer and closer to the walk of shame, before turning to the others and looking at them, “Now why would I do that, when I can be the very first one voted out!”
Colleen raised a finger, before taking a deep breath, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
But it was too late, the Inactiveidous infected Danni had thrown herself into the dark, endless, and humiliating void that could only be, “Pre-Jury” Amanda said, pausing to inspect her nails, seemingly unphased by Danni's act, “Alright, why don’t you guys head back to camp and avoid coming back here, oh and please, for the love of God, don't contract the Inactiveidous!"
There were no objections as the Cahaya camp packed up and left Tribal Council behind.
It was only about two days later that Amanda was walking along the Malaysian Beaches to meet up with Erik, the hot sand stinging her feet just like the recent outbreak of Inactiveidous was stinging her game and players, “What do we have Erik?” Amanda asked as she approached her cohost.
Erik stood from his crouched position and removed his sunglasses before stepping aside, “It’s Dave, it seems he’s the next to succumb to the illness, but I’ve been unable to determine the cause for his contamination.”
“Let me take a look,” Amanda said as she knelt down to examine the lifeless, second boot, “My god,” Amanda said.
“What?” Erik inquired with an alarmed tone, “What is it?”
“It appears Dave has taken his own life,” Amanda said with a scowl.
“You’re not saying…” Erik began.
“I am………he self voted,” Amanda said.
“Dear God,” Erik said bewildered, “Not another one.”
“I’m afraid so,” Amanda said, casting the body off to pre-jury.
“What do you think is causing this?” Erik asked.
“I don’t know for certain,” Amanda began, “It could be faulty internet connections, important events in real life….. maybe their only purpose in life was to be inactive twats, hell bent on causing Lividmanda….or maybe……just maybe….we have some sort of ORG Terrorist on our hands, determined to jump from game to game infecting anyone and everyone possible.”
“When will they learn,” Erik said, placing his sunglasses back on.
“I’m determined to cut this off at the source and save this game and its players,” Amanda said, “One way….or another.”
With that, the two hosts walked off down the beach, unaware they were being watched from the bushes.
It was now several rounds later, with several more Inactiveidous related vote offs, and Amanda still had no solid leads or plans about breaking the outbreak of the disease that was plaguing her game.
“There has to be something I’m missing ….something….or someone,” she said to herself.
Amanda turned to her display board to view the darkened pictures of Danni, Dave, Amber, Yul, Joe and Yve, “But why….why would someone cause the oustings of such seemingly worthless players?”
“Perhaps I have the answer,” an unknown feminine voice said from behind Amanda.
“You?” Amanda said with wide eyes before being shoved backwards and having her hat ripped from her head, weakening her and causing her to crumble to the floor.
An evil cackle was heard as the unknown female stood over Amanda laughing, “Your game is pathetic!”
“Sydney Wheeler,” Amanda said, the venom in her words practically oozing from her mouth, “Why?”
“Maybe if I remove this mask it’ll be clearer!” Sydney said.
Amanda gazed upwards at those words and let out a shrill scream, “OH GOD! IT’S HORRIBLE!”
“I haven’t taken it off yet,” Sydney said.
“Oh……..right,” Amanda said, before growing quiet once more as Sydney removed the mask and tossing it to the floor.
“I should have know it was you,” Amanda panted, nearly powerless without her hat, “Shitney Wheeler!”
“That’s right,” the blonde bimbo said, “It is I, Shitney Wheeler, come to ruin yet another game!”
“But why? Why this game? Why ANY gamy?" Amanda asked.
“You see, after several years of pre-jury ORG performances I decided that it was time for a change,” Shitney said, “Why be just a regular conceded twat, when I could lead a revolution and be the biggest Twat the ORG community had ever seen, while taking down and ruining some of the best players and hosts known to the game!”
“You monster,” Amanda said, “Your fooling yourself if you think any of the players inflicted so far were even close to average.”
“Well duh,” Shitney said, “But that’s why I’ve left all the good ones in, I plan on infecting them all in one Grand Tribal Council and taking the crown as Malaysia Winner for myself, and without your hat you’re powerless to stop me!”
“You won’t get away with this,” Amanda called.
“Watch me!” Shitney said as she stormed off to Tribal.
As the remaining castaways all sat in front of the fire at yet another Tribal Council, they were unaware to the effect that Shitney was slowing having on them. Some castaways started to imagine writing their own names down, while some noticed that walk of shame’s call was beckoning to them.
Shitney looked at her fellow castaways with glee and waited for Erik to release them to begin voting, but before Erik called Morgan to vote, Amanda managed to pull herself into Tribal, collapsing near the base of the fire, “STOP!” she cried with fleeting energy, “I need all of you to be strong and fight whatever ailment you might be feeling! It’s time to kick this game into high gear and wipe the shit out of it!”
"BUT HOW? How did you get here without your hat?" Shitney cried.
"It's not the hat that makes the host, it's the host that makes the hat," Amanda said with a confident grin.
Amanda’s words seemed to hold some sort of hidden power as Shitney began to feel her pull weakening on her fellow tribemates, causing a panic to stir inside of her. “STOP THAT!” Shitney cried, “You’re cheating! You’re rigging this game! You’re a horrible host Amanda, like oh my gawd!!!"
With the crack in her composure, Shitney’s tribe was impervious to her hold and slowly began to come to their senses. “Quick,” Rupert cried, “Write down Sydney’s name on your parchment!”
Shitney whirled around to try and stop her tribe, but one after another each castaway spelled out her name onto their parchment, each vote being cast being a blow to her and sending her reeling towards the walk of shame.
“You can’t do this to me,” the blonde bimbo cried, “I’m SHITNEY WHEELER! I’M SHITNEY FREAKIN WHEELER!”
“And I’m Amanda Kimmel, Hat Wearing Goddess,” Amanda said walking over to the crumbling Shitney, snatching her hat back and fixing it firmly atop her head, “And you are hereby banned from my series!”
“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” Shitney cried as she burst into flames.
The newly formed Gelap tribe watched, stunned, as Shitney was burned to ashes only to finally be blown away by the Malaysian winds.
“Is she….is she gone?” Colleen asked.
“Much like regular shit, Shitney’s stench will always linger for a while, but over time, we shall grow to forget her,” Amanda said, “But I’d say this outbreak of Inactiveidous is good and done with.”
Several cheers were heard as Amanda continued to look out at Malaysia, proud to have banned the miscreant from her series. After a few moments she turned back to her audience and with a coy grin she spoke, “Alright, so who’s ready for this game to really begin?”
And following that, Malaysia had a whole new kind of outbreak, and the real game was on.
Yeah, I know, stupid, but I hope you guys liked it, and got at least some sort of kick out of it
Love,
Candice
I left a few lame lines in there just because I thought maybe you 5 would enjoy them, but still.....you'll probably just think they're lame right along with me, but maybe not, maybe it'll add to the overall camp and silliness of it all.
I also poked fun at people, both past and present, and hope they don't take offense, like when Erik was seemingly forgotten by everyone in the game for a round. So I hope you're not too offended by that Erik.
Anyway, on with the story.
Deep in the South Pacific on the remote island of Malaysia, the third Season of Amanda Kimmel’s Survivor Series was underway, but unbeknownst to the game’s staff and players, there was a deadly outbreak brewing that threatened to destroy the entire game and its players.
The game was running along smoothly in its first few days and Resident ORG host and Hat Wearing Goddess, Amanda Kimmel, was currently resting out on the Malaysian beach. Amanda was taking a break and relaxing on the sun kissed beach while the tribes battled it out in their first immunity challenge, but unfortunately, she was unaware of the problem that was about to be revealed.
“Amanda! Amanda!” Prediction Writer, Todd, cried as he raced down the beach, “AMANDA!!!”
Amanda slowly sat up and stood in slow motion, whipping her hair out of her face before readjusting her trademark hat to fit perfectly atop her head. “What is it Todd?” she asked as she stood next to the bustling PW.
“We have a situation!” Todd cried, throwing his hands into the air, “Danni’s gone missing! I looked at her confessional, or lack thereof, for any sort of indication as to where she may be, but I think she may have……....the disease. ”
“WHAT!” Amanda cried, suddenly very alarmed, “You mean to tell me she has-”
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” Todd said, “Inactiveidous!”
Amanda turned away from Todd and took a few steps along the beach, “I’ve dealt with quitters before, even the rare but notorious thunderc*nt, but Inactiveidous………….never have I before seen a case of-”
“Chase,” Todd coughed.
“That doesn’t count!” Amanda cried as she whirled around.
“Becky,” Boston Rob chirped as he popped out of the bushes.
“Shut up! Where the hell did you come from anyway?” Amanda asked the other PW.
“Namibia,” Boston Rob replied with a deadpan tone, “What exactly is Inactiveidous again? I mean, I know of inactive players, but don’t you think a “disease” is a bit extreme?”
“No,” Todd interjected, “Inactiveidous is a serious matter! It’s a vicious disease that rampages through ORGs infecting one player after another, going so far as to make them crazed, delusional, and ultimately…. inactive.”
“But who would be so evil?” Boston Rob asked.
Amanda narrowed her eyes at the two prediction writers before continuing to ponder the possibility of an Inactiveidous outbreak “I think I know what to do, meet me at Tribal Council!”
With that Amanda took off in a sprint towards the Tribal Council area, only for both Todd and Boston Rob to pass her by with a mild walk. “Why are you running in slow motion?” Boston Robb asked.
Amanda could only scoff at him as she continued to run, “Don’t you know anything? All great ORG hosts run in slow motion, it makes us look cool, that and the hat,” Amanda said.
“Whatever,” Todd said as he entered Tribal.
“Alright,” Erik said as he placed the voting urn before him, “Once the votes have been read the person with-”
Erik was cut short as Amanda unknowingly shoved Erik to the side and stood before the Cahaya tribe, “Sorry I’m late, there was an issue…….how did the voting urn get here already?” Amanda asked the tribe perplexed.
“It was Erik,” Colleen said.
“Who?” Fabio asked from behind Amanda, “Oh right, the cohost! Sorry Erik,” Fabio said with a cheeky grin.
“Doesn’t matter,” Amanda said, “Moving on. Once the votes are read the decision is final, blah blah blah” Amanda finished, throwing the lid of the urn off into the jungle, quickly reading through the votes, only to be disappointed with the results, “4 votes Danni, 4 votes Sydney….where’s the last vote?”
All eyes turned to the dark ominous figure that slowly entered tribal, all surprised to find a crazed looking Danni slowly inching her way towards the walk of shame.
“Danni! What are you doing all you have to do is vote Sydney and then we can go back to camp!”!” Colleen cried, standing up to try and stop her, only to be held back by Frosti and Rupert, “Let me go!”
“No, you can’t get close to her, you’ll catch the disease too!” Rupert boomed.
Danni let out a menacing cackle as she grew closer and closer to the walk of shame, before turning to the others and looking at them, “Now why would I do that, when I can be the very first one voted out!”
Colleen raised a finger, before taking a deep breath, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
But it was too late, the Inactiveidous infected Danni had thrown herself into the dark, endless, and humiliating void that could only be, “Pre-Jury” Amanda said, pausing to inspect her nails, seemingly unphased by Danni's act, “Alright, why don’t you guys head back to camp and avoid coming back here, oh and please, for the love of God, don't contract the Inactiveidous!"
There were no objections as the Cahaya camp packed up and left Tribal Council behind.
It was only about two days later that Amanda was walking along the Malaysian Beaches to meet up with Erik, the hot sand stinging her feet just like the recent outbreak of Inactiveidous was stinging her game and players, “What do we have Erik?” Amanda asked as she approached her cohost.
Erik stood from his crouched position and removed his sunglasses before stepping aside, “It’s Dave, it seems he’s the next to succumb to the illness, but I’ve been unable to determine the cause for his contamination.”
“Let me take a look,” Amanda said as she knelt down to examine the lifeless, second boot, “My god,” Amanda said.
“What?” Erik inquired with an alarmed tone, “What is it?”
“It appears Dave has taken his own life,” Amanda said with a scowl.
“You’re not saying…” Erik began.
“I am………he self voted,” Amanda said.
“Dear God,” Erik said bewildered, “Not another one.”
“I’m afraid so,” Amanda said, casting the body off to pre-jury.
“What do you think is causing this?” Erik asked.
“I don’t know for certain,” Amanda began, “It could be faulty internet connections, important events in real life….. maybe their only purpose in life was to be inactive twats, hell bent on causing Lividmanda….or maybe……just maybe….we have some sort of ORG Terrorist on our hands, determined to jump from game to game infecting anyone and everyone possible.”
“When will they learn,” Erik said, placing his sunglasses back on.
“I’m determined to cut this off at the source and save this game and its players,” Amanda said, “One way….or another.”
With that, the two hosts walked off down the beach, unaware they were being watched from the bushes.
It was now several rounds later, with several more Inactiveidous related vote offs, and Amanda still had no solid leads or plans about breaking the outbreak of the disease that was plaguing her game.
“There has to be something I’m missing ….something….or someone,” she said to herself.
Amanda turned to her display board to view the darkened pictures of Danni, Dave, Amber, Yul, Joe and Yve, “But why….why would someone cause the oustings of such seemingly worthless players?”
“Perhaps I have the answer,” an unknown feminine voice said from behind Amanda.
“You?” Amanda said with wide eyes before being shoved backwards and having her hat ripped from her head, weakening her and causing her to crumble to the floor.
An evil cackle was heard as the unknown female stood over Amanda laughing, “Your game is pathetic!”
“Sydney Wheeler,” Amanda said, the venom in her words practically oozing from her mouth, “Why?”
“Maybe if I remove this mask it’ll be clearer!” Sydney said.
Amanda gazed upwards at those words and let out a shrill scream, “OH GOD! IT’S HORRIBLE!”
“I haven’t taken it off yet,” Sydney said.
“Oh……..right,” Amanda said, before growing quiet once more as Sydney removed the mask and tossing it to the floor.
“I should have know it was you,” Amanda panted, nearly powerless without her hat, “Shitney Wheeler!”
“That’s right,” the blonde bimbo said, “It is I, Shitney Wheeler, come to ruin yet another game!”
“But why? Why this game? Why ANY gamy?" Amanda asked.
“You see, after several years of pre-jury ORG performances I decided that it was time for a change,” Shitney said, “Why be just a regular conceded twat, when I could lead a revolution and be the biggest Twat the ORG community had ever seen, while taking down and ruining some of the best players and hosts known to the game!”
“You monster,” Amanda said, “Your fooling yourself if you think any of the players inflicted so far were even close to average.”
“Well duh,” Shitney said, “But that’s why I’ve left all the good ones in, I plan on infecting them all in one Grand Tribal Council and taking the crown as Malaysia Winner for myself, and without your hat you’re powerless to stop me!”
“You won’t get away with this,” Amanda called.
“Watch me!” Shitney said as she stormed off to Tribal.
As the remaining castaways all sat in front of the fire at yet another Tribal Council, they were unaware to the effect that Shitney was slowing having on them. Some castaways started to imagine writing their own names down, while some noticed that walk of shame’s call was beckoning to them.
Shitney looked at her fellow castaways with glee and waited for Erik to release them to begin voting, but before Erik called Morgan to vote, Amanda managed to pull herself into Tribal, collapsing near the base of the fire, “STOP!” she cried with fleeting energy, “I need all of you to be strong and fight whatever ailment you might be feeling! It’s time to kick this game into high gear and wipe the shit out of it!”
"BUT HOW? How did you get here without your hat?" Shitney cried.
"It's not the hat that makes the host, it's the host that makes the hat," Amanda said with a confident grin.
Amanda’s words seemed to hold some sort of hidden power as Shitney began to feel her pull weakening on her fellow tribemates, causing a panic to stir inside of her. “STOP THAT!” Shitney cried, “You’re cheating! You’re rigging this game! You’re a horrible host Amanda, like oh my gawd!!!"
With the crack in her composure, Shitney’s tribe was impervious to her hold and slowly began to come to their senses. “Quick,” Rupert cried, “Write down Sydney’s name on your parchment!”
Shitney whirled around to try and stop her tribe, but one after another each castaway spelled out her name onto their parchment, each vote being cast being a blow to her and sending her reeling towards the walk of shame.
“You can’t do this to me,” the blonde bimbo cried, “I’m SHITNEY WHEELER! I’M SHITNEY FREAKIN WHEELER!”
“And I’m Amanda Kimmel, Hat Wearing Goddess,” Amanda said walking over to the crumbling Shitney, snatching her hat back and fixing it firmly atop her head, “And you are hereby banned from my series!”
“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” Shitney cried as she burst into flames.
The newly formed Gelap tribe watched, stunned, as Shitney was burned to ashes only to finally be blown away by the Malaysian winds.
“Is she….is she gone?” Colleen asked.
“Much like regular shit, Shitney’s stench will always linger for a while, but over time, we shall grow to forget her,” Amanda said, “But I’d say this outbreak of Inactiveidous is good and done with.”
Several cheers were heard as Amanda continued to look out at Malaysia, proud to have banned the miscreant from her series. After a few moments she turned back to her audience and with a coy grin she spoke, “Alright, so who’s ready for this game to really begin?”
And following that, Malaysia had a whole new kind of outbreak, and the real game was on.
Yeah, I know, stupid, but I hope you guys liked it, and got at least some sort of kick out of it
Love,
Candice
